Sunday, January 6, 2013

Learned, Read, Felt, and Thought




There was a bunch of thoughts and questions in my head. "Why do I always feel nothing like I don't care to people, why do I feel better be alone, why do I hate crowd, why am I avoiding people". I hate all of those. Is there something wrong with me or is it just.. me? But the circumstance could be changed only when there's something in here...heart, something or someone. 

I thought I was totally a loner. Couldn't stand out from the crowd, always be invisible, hardly get along with someone, "why couldn't you be just like her and her?". The things were even worse when I was in high school, no one knows about me. I tried my best to get an honor in graduation day and finally I won it, because that's the only thing that made me...matter. I was such a fool to have a thought like that.

Invisible, that word keep humming on my head. It's even worse when I realized that I don't even know how to talk with boys, boy that made me get attracted. I always thought, what a pathetic girl you are, couldn't even get a bf, look around.. these girls already have a boy! That was torturing me. But then I learned, I read, I heard, I felt and I thought. I become a better person to just deal with the past, move on, change my mind set that everything's gonna be fine. Now I realize that I'm not alone, there are some friends and people that I can care about and can get along with me. I don't really think about boys, it will be there when the time comes up. It's not pathetic to be a single but it's a choice, my choice.
I'm a free spirited..