Tuesday, July 28, 2015

when you want to text them


Maybe you want to text them because it’s late, and you feel completely alone. You used to spend every night drifting off to sleep while you're having a phone call with them. Now you go to sleep by yourself, feeling like you’re the only person in the world who’s still awake.

Or maybe you never even had a relationship with them. Maybe they just led you on and on and on through some sick, twisted, almost-something and you let it happen, because you liked them too much to put up a fight.

Whatever the case, you want to text them in this moment. You want it so badly that it’s the only thing you can think about.

It’s not the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last. The thought always pops in your head so quickly and unexpectedly, and whether it’s a 5-minute or day-long or week-long urge, it’s painful.

But regardless of how painful that urge is, regardless of how alone you feel, regardless of the fact that you can’t stop thinking about texting them, something inside you knows you shouldn’t do it.

The relationship or the almost-relationship or the whatever-the-hell-it-was-ship has run its course. The reason you want to text them right now is probably not because you feel, deep down, that they are the one.

The reason you want to text them is something else – loneliness, lack of closure, boredom, a sense of being lost, perhaps the feeling that everyone around you is settling down and you don’t want to be the last one left.

There could be any number of reasons why you want to text them. It’s okay that you’re feeling lonely or bored, unsettled or confused, lost or isolated. You’re an adult now, you’re going to be experiencing ups and downs with these types of emotions your entire life.

But sending them a text is not going to fix that emptiness inside you tonight. It may be temporarily exciting or helpful or healing. But if you know, deep down, that they’re not the one, sending that text will always be just a bandaid.

It will be less romantic and less satisfying than you think it will be. Maybe, in the moment, you’ll feel a rush of adrenaline when you hit send. You’ll feel antsy and alert and on edge as you wait to hear back from them. And when your phone lights up, you might feel a sense of excitement or connectedness that you haven’t felt in a long while.

But it will always fade away. Often, quickly. Because they are not the one you’re meant to be with.

You might continue to have these urges to text them for a while, especially on the nights where you’re feeling lonely or vulnerable or nervous. On the nights where you can’t fall asleep because you hate your job or your city or your friends. In the moments when you hear about another engagement or wedding.

Remember that you’re not alone, that countless people have gone through the same thing you’re going through right now. And they got through it.

It’s okay to want to text them. But don’t follow through with it. It’ll just further postpone the healing time that your heart needs to go through before it’s ready to open itself back up.

Don’t text them. Because they’re just a bandaid. And what you’re looking for is so much more than that.


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